Nothing new lol - I lost a total of 47 lbs and now I've gained about 30 of those lbs back lol. 2011 was the worst year of my life, but I made it... Fuck.
Oh but in more spectacufabulous news guess WHAT my darlings? A part of my journey was to be honest with my flaws that are truly wonderful...and these new-found thoughts (like really new..like THIS VERY MORNING new) have allowed me to reach the conclusion that maybe I'm not so bad/ugly/fat/dumb/terrible. Maybe I'm ok... Maybe I'm amazing....
I'm starting to love some things about myself that I've tried to change for YEARS. I love my thick legs.. I love my face.. and I love my hands. My brother and I have the same hands so I gotta love em. I'm single for once - I. KNOW. I'm a little surprised too, but a part of my process was learning to be ok with being single and that it's ok to wait until I can trust the words, intentions and actions of someone who claims I should give them my heart. Have I been lonely? Hell yes I have. Will it be worth it someday? I've been praying that it will, because I can't imagine living my life without a companion. Minime is college bound in 7 years!
Someday may come in a week... it may not come for another year...and that's ok because guess what ELSE? Come close...closerrrr...it's entirely POSSIBLY that someone can love me for ME, despite my size and other notable idiosyncrasies aaaaaaaaaaaaand guess what else even... Come heeeere - this person God has meant to find me MIGHT even think I'm (deep breath) Beautiful. BEAUTIFUL. Just. The. Way. I. Am. Some people take this kind of natural emotion for granted... But do you know - do you even KNOW how WONDERFUL the chance of that even makes me feel? The remote possibility that I'm ok? That despite years of being treated like I wasn't shit and cheated on for whatever fkd up reason and just used and chosen to fill someone's temporary gaps or warm their bed, but never truly chosen...that someone sees something in me that is worth having? That would be amazing too....
*faints*
2 comments:
I think you are JUST FUCKING GREAT the way you are! If only you were closer, you would have different things to write about!
HA! Awww thank you ^_^
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