February

I know I keep saying I'll blog more and I really promise I will. So much goes on I can't keep up! Well not really.. that's an excuse. I don't know why I just lied to you. Then again, my day-to-day is pretty abnormal compared to most. Yeah some parts of my day are just work and motherhood, but overall my 'escapades' are what make life interesting. Now I'm not about to go into some torrid literary sexual fantasy session, although I could, so don't go getting ur lotion. I just like to hang out and have fun. I'm blessed to have some really awesome friends in every state I've lived in. But the friends that I've been able to have the MOST fun with in terms of going out and having a good time are definitely the girls I have here in Orlando. I look forward to visiting my friends and catching up and cracking up with them as well but I must say my friends here make sure I'm never bored or lonely lol. This Saturday my friend....let's call her...CQ. So yeah CQ and I decided to try out this new club, Limelite. Now it's an 18+ club, but I'd heard great things about it and the line is always long so I figured it may be ok to check out, plus we were looking for a get in free, drink free deal and they had such an offer. I made a call and got us on the VIP list just in case which came in handy because CQ arrived "ready to party"* and took a while to get from the car to the club. So we get there at 12 and it's hopeful. Looks nice, good music, no one's dancing, bar's packed so after surveying the scene we head to the ladies room... Not for an outfit check bc we already know that situation is good, but CQ reeeeeeeally had to pee and I remember because we were reeeeeally RTP* and I found almost everything pretty damn funny. So anyway in walks the natural enemy. A skinny girl. Now here's the thing with 18+ clubs. These lil college bitches with their perfect bodies make a broad like me look less appealing. That shit is unfknfair. I had a BABY and I'm sure these Hollywood hoes would have u thinking it's easy to just snap back but it's NOT.

[PAUSE: Just got a call. Now tell me reader(s), WTF do people who a) have the wrong number OR b) can't afford the consultation fees for the atty's here feel the need to tell me a) who they're tryina reach or b)details about their case. Either way: I. don't. care.]

OK so where was I, oooooh yeaaaah: the skinny bitches. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not hatin on a chick that keeps herself in shape - yeah you "naturally thin" bitches can take a hike - but don't make ME look bad by standing next to me! How dare you!!! So now I'm feeling old and fat but I'm so very conflicted because the music is finally getting good and I'm dancing my ass off well wait - nah it's still there - so I'm doin my thing when it hits me: Do I LOOK like one of those old fat ladies at the club? The ones that don't get that they're old news and look silly. AM I THAT LADY!?!?!?!?! SIGH....

ok I'm sleepy and frustrated now. I'll be back later to tell you about the rest of my night because I know ur on the edge of ur seat absolutely dying to read about every detail...

*drunk