Another draft I started and never came back to...
So the eve of another 4 years of an Obama presidency is upon us... There are certainly mixed feelings out there about this. I, for one, am ecstatic, but that's not entirely what this post is about....(well maybe a little)
I hate to bring up race in the race because so many people (my own church included, but that's another issue) want to deny it's existence as a factor, but it matters. It mattered Tuesday night. I flipped through every news channel and all they were talking about was the percentages of white people that voted for BO and white women that voted for BO. !!!!!!!!!!!!! It was insane. Race doesn't matter. Qualifications do. End of story. Get a life.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Have You Told You Lately that You Love You?
The days have been zooming by...a sure sign that I'm getting older. I still remember distinctly what I was doing around this time last year...and how I spent my Christmas. I look back at many holidays in my life..and the relationships I was in lol. The gifts I got and the ones I didn't. The Thanksgivings that were "awkward" because my significant other was "too sick" to come over... All of the signs I ignored for love..
Which brings me to my point...
We constantly sacrifice for the love we want to receive from others...but we can never give ourselves the same kindness. Do you love yourself enough to leave? What about loving the skin you're in and not changing to suit someone else's needs? Can you love the parts of you that for years you've been made to believe are unlovable? Will you love yourself enough to raise your standards, lower your tolerance level, close your legs, open your mind, ignore the booty calls, dismiss the 5011th apology, find your truth, lose the losers and be the best possible you?
I challenge you to do this.
Look in the mirror and search your heart. Truly see your self, sincerely be kind to yourself, accept the things you cannot change, and vow to change the things YOU want to.
This is my current outlook... The simply complex notion that if I love the inside I will be more motivated to change the outside. People gain weight for a plethora of reasons, but I am not pregnant, I do not have thyroid issues or a movie role coming up so I don't necessarily need these extra pounds. What I need is to realize that all these YEARS of one quick fix after the other will never be sustainable (or healthy) if I don't see beauty in who I am NOW. I have a confession...well not a confession, just an embarrassing overshare...but I cried in Forever 21 last night. Not because they're disposable clothes hurt my heart more than just a little bit, but because I can't fit half that shit. Tops and some dresses I can get away with a Large, but for the most part I'm setting myself up for failure. So after browsing with my mother who also shouldn't be here, I just walked out. I got very self conscious about people looking at me with the WTF face like WTF are you doing in here, WTF - you know you can only fit the jewelry and the lip gloss, WTF are you gonna do with that dress? Use it as an ironing board cover? In reality no one was paying me any mind... People could care less.. But I was overwhelmed... I felt the tears welling up and I tried to walk out but it seemed as if the door was much farther away than it was when I walked in...then more girls walked in. Girls in cute blazers and messy buns...girls in cut offs, cute boots and sweaters (don't get me started on this phenomena...bitch are u hot or cold?), girls in jeans that they bought here! It was all too much.
Last year I could shop anywhere I wanted...and cross my legs under a table when I went out. I was more comfortable in my skin and therefore more myself all the time. I liked going out and being cute with minimal effort. Being big it's not so easy for me... I gotta see how my top looks around my gunt area (that's the gut-cunt hanging belly you get after you have a baby...or 6 beers), I have to see if I need a girdle or if my arms look too big - I mean it's an ordeal every single time I leave the house! Not every overweight person goes through this. There are women who not only embrace their size, but are proud of it. I just don't have this ability/mindset. If there's anyone I would say I "envy" it's these women... They look in the mirror and can't help but to snap a photo cuz it looks so good. I look in the mirror and see someone who needs improvement. So I take a pic and I zoom 20 times and I analyze and I reanalyze and I critique and I criticize and I cry and I delete delete delete,, BUT I've never really put in the effort to make the changes I want to see for more than maybe 3 months... I have a personality that isn't easily addicted to anything. Healthy or not. So I'm not the type that can start working out and get hooked. Bump that I start working out - see improvement and celebrate with a brownie sundae! The laziness is strong with this one. *Darth Vader voice*
BUT guess what.. Today is a new day just like many new days I've had and will continue to have until I get this right...until I let go of the negative (shame, guilt, pain, distrust) and slowly learn to love myself because for as many times as I fall, what matters is my desire and will to get back up. Cheers to new beginnings my loves!
~ C
Which brings me to my point...
We constantly sacrifice for the love we want to receive from others...but we can never give ourselves the same kindness. Do you love yourself enough to leave? What about loving the skin you're in and not changing to suit someone else's needs? Can you love the parts of you that for years you've been made to believe are unlovable? Will you love yourself enough to raise your standards, lower your tolerance level, close your legs, open your mind, ignore the booty calls, dismiss the 5011th apology, find your truth, lose the losers and be the best possible you?
I challenge you to do this.
Look in the mirror and search your heart. Truly see your self, sincerely be kind to yourself, accept the things you cannot change, and vow to change the things YOU want to.
This is my current outlook... The simply complex notion that if I love the inside I will be more motivated to change the outside. People gain weight for a plethora of reasons, but I am not pregnant, I do not have thyroid issues or a movie role coming up so I don't necessarily need these extra pounds. What I need is to realize that all these YEARS of one quick fix after the other will never be sustainable (or healthy) if I don't see beauty in who I am NOW. I have a confession...well not a confession, just an embarrassing overshare...but I cried in Forever 21 last night. Not because they're disposable clothes hurt my heart more than just a little bit, but because I can't fit half that shit. Tops and some dresses I can get away with a Large, but for the most part I'm setting myself up for failure. So after browsing with my mother who also shouldn't be here, I just walked out. I got very self conscious about people looking at me with the WTF face like WTF are you doing in here, WTF - you know you can only fit the jewelry and the lip gloss, WTF are you gonna do with that dress? Use it as an ironing board cover? In reality no one was paying me any mind... People could care less.. But I was overwhelmed... I felt the tears welling up and I tried to walk out but it seemed as if the door was much farther away than it was when I walked in...then more girls walked in. Girls in cute blazers and messy buns...girls in cut offs, cute boots and sweaters (don't get me started on this phenomena...bitch are u hot or cold?), girls in jeans that they bought here! It was all too much.
Last year I could shop anywhere I wanted...and cross my legs under a table when I went out. I was more comfortable in my skin and therefore more myself all the time. I liked going out and being cute with minimal effort. Being big it's not so easy for me... I gotta see how my top looks around my gunt area (that's the gut-cunt hanging belly you get after you have a baby...or 6 beers), I have to see if I need a girdle or if my arms look too big - I mean it's an ordeal every single time I leave the house! Not every overweight person goes through this. There are women who not only embrace their size, but are proud of it. I just don't have this ability/mindset. If there's anyone I would say I "envy" it's these women... They look in the mirror and can't help but to snap a photo cuz it looks so good. I look in the mirror and see someone who needs improvement. So I take a pic and I zoom 20 times and I analyze and I reanalyze and I critique and I criticize and I cry and I delete delete delete,, BUT I've never really put in the effort to make the changes I want to see for more than maybe 3 months... I have a personality that isn't easily addicted to anything. Healthy or not. So I'm not the type that can start working out and get hooked. Bump that I start working out - see improvement and celebrate with a brownie sundae! The laziness is strong with this one. *Darth Vader voice*
BUT guess what.. Today is a new day just like many new days I've had and will continue to have until I get this right...until I let go of the negative (shame, guilt, pain, distrust) and slowly learn to love myself because for as many times as I fall, what matters is my desire and will to get back up. Cheers to new beginnings my loves!
~ C
Monday, November 5, 2012
Changed Perspective...but first...my WEIGHT!
Nothing new lol - I lost a total of 47 lbs and now I've gained about 30 of those lbs back lol. 2011 was the worst year of my life, but I made it... Fuck.
Oh but in more spectacufabulous news guess WHAT my darlings? A part of my journey was to be honest with my flaws that are truly wonderful...and these new-found thoughts (like really new..like THIS VERY MORNING new) have allowed me to reach the conclusion that maybe I'm not so bad/ugly/fat/dumb/terrible. Maybe I'm ok... Maybe I'm amazing....
I'm starting to love some things about myself that I've tried to change for YEARS. I love my thick legs.. I love my face.. and I love my hands. My brother and I have the same hands so I gotta love em. I'm single for once - I. KNOW. I'm a little surprised too, but a part of my process was learning to be ok with being single and that it's ok to wait until I can trust the words, intentions and actions of someone who claims I should give them my heart. Have I been lonely? Hell yes I have. Will it be worth it someday? I've been praying that it will, because I can't imagine living my life without a companion. Minime is college bound in 7 years!
Someday may come in a week... it may not come for another year...and that's ok because guess what ELSE? Come close...closerrrr...it's entirely POSSIBLY that someone can love me for ME, despite my size and other notable idiosyncrasies aaaaaaaaaaaaand guess what else even... Come heeeere - this person God has meant to find me MIGHT even think I'm (deep breath) Beautiful. BEAUTIFUL. Just. The. Way. I. Am. Some people take this kind of natural emotion for granted... But do you know - do you even KNOW how WONDERFUL the chance of that even makes me feel? The remote possibility that I'm ok? That despite years of being treated like I wasn't shit and cheated on for whatever fkd up reason and just used and chosen to fill someone's temporary gaps or warm their bed, but never truly chosen...that someone sees something in me that is worth having? That would be amazing too....
*faints*
Oh but in more spectacufabulous news guess WHAT my darlings? A part of my journey was to be honest with my flaws that are truly wonderful...and these new-found thoughts (like really new..like THIS VERY MORNING new) have allowed me to reach the conclusion that maybe I'm not so bad/ugly/fat/dumb/terrible. Maybe I'm ok... Maybe I'm amazing....
I'm starting to love some things about myself that I've tried to change for YEARS. I love my thick legs.. I love my face.. and I love my hands. My brother and I have the same hands so I gotta love em. I'm single for once - I. KNOW. I'm a little surprised too, but a part of my process was learning to be ok with being single and that it's ok to wait until I can trust the words, intentions and actions of someone who claims I should give them my heart. Have I been lonely? Hell yes I have. Will it be worth it someday? I've been praying that it will, because I can't imagine living my life without a companion. Minime is college bound in 7 years!
Someday may come in a week... it may not come for another year...and that's ok because guess what ELSE? Come close...closerrrr...it's entirely POSSIBLY that someone can love me for ME, despite my size and other notable idiosyncrasies aaaaaaaaaaaaand guess what else even... Come heeeere - this person God has meant to find me MIGHT even think I'm (deep breath) Beautiful. BEAUTIFUL. Just. The. Way. I. Am. Some people take this kind of natural emotion for granted... But do you know - do you even KNOW how WONDERFUL the chance of that even makes me feel? The remote possibility that I'm ok? That despite years of being treated like I wasn't shit and cheated on for whatever fkd up reason and just used and chosen to fill someone's temporary gaps or warm their bed, but never truly chosen...that someone sees something in me that is worth having? That would be amazing too....
*faints*
For Every Season....
There must be a post about nothing at fucking ALL except for the dumb shit we encounter on a daily basis.
This is that post.
Sometimes I don't know what I've done to deserve or enjoy life's ridiculous moments, but this one has me annoyed and a little tickled. I don't wanna talk about politics. I don't care who YOU vote for. I care who I vote for and the people who I have influence over. This is not the answer my volunteer organization wants to hear. They want me to GOBAMA all over Orlando. And I have. I've canvassed door to door. I've registered voters. I've worked the polls. (tee hee...worked the polls...) and I've done the cold calls. Fine. Whatever. But I just got a call at work. WORK. To Vote No on Amendment 3. OK cool thanks lady, I voted early and I voted no. She then began to BERATE me. After several attempts at interjecting I decided not to play them I'M LOUDER game and as she paused for a breath to turn to page 5 of her "wtf to do when the voters talk back" chapter, I asked if she had a comprehension issue that prevented her from understanding that I was in support of whatever the fuck she was calling for.
Uhhhh....are you done? Did you hear what I said?
Ma'am women's rats er blah bloogity blah blah....
Uh huh. I agree; that's why I voted No on Amendment 3 last week.
Oh. Well alright ma'am thanks fer yer support.
Will someone PLEASE get me the f outta Florida...the fog of stupidity is CHOKING ME TO DEATH!
This is that post.
Sometimes I don't know what I've done to deserve or enjoy life's ridiculous moments, but this one has me annoyed and a little tickled. I don't wanna talk about politics. I don't care who YOU vote for. I care who I vote for and the people who I have influence over. This is not the answer my volunteer organization wants to hear. They want me to GOBAMA all over Orlando. And I have. I've canvassed door to door. I've registered voters. I've worked the polls. (tee hee...worked the polls...) and I've done the cold calls. Fine. Whatever. But I just got a call at work. WORK. To Vote No on Amendment 3. OK cool thanks lady, I voted early and I voted no. She then began to BERATE me. After several attempts at interjecting I decided not to play them I'M LOUDER game and as she paused for a breath to turn to page 5 of her "wtf to do when the voters talk back" chapter, I asked if she had a comprehension issue that prevented her from understanding that I was in support of whatever the fuck she was calling for.
Uhhhh....are you done? Did you hear what I said?
Ma'am women's rats er blah bloogity blah blah....
Uh huh. I agree; that's why I voted No on Amendment 3 last week.
Oh. Well alright ma'am thanks fer yer support.
Will someone PLEASE get me the f outta Florida...the fog of stupidity is CHOKING ME TO DEATH!
The Desire to be Different
So many want to be something...someone...anything other than what they are.
If only it were this easy to see the beauty in who God has intended them to truly be.
Step One...
Step One...
Self Image...vs...Self Imagination
SELF
Self... self efficacy... self definition... self actualization... self esteem... self regulation... self monitoring... self awareness... self disclosure... self love (ooooh)... self hate. It can be an overwhelming topic for some, myself included.
I have image issues. No secret there... I'm not a mirror hating mad woman, but I can understand the plight of someone who is. My issues are entirely the opposite. I'm incredibly self conscious. I would've hoped this would somehow help with my weight, but it hasn't...I've tried dieting extremes, yes, but I've never harmed myself to achieve a certain look - although I have lost lots of hair getting a weave, but the Chronicles of the Unbeweavable is a blog of it's very own. Moving along, I've realized that I have the capability of being very self-absorbed. Not in a way that is offensive to others or by any means makes me abnormally selfish, but I do spend lots of time in the mirror and I've perfected the cell phone self portrait. If I see a camera approaching I react like Dug from that Pixar movie Up:
SQUIRREL!
Anyway categorically I'm looking for a term that relates to my particular psychosis. I constantly stare at myself (as evidenced by the mirrors I surround myself with AND the bazillion pics I have of myself in my phone...and my daughter's phone. Don't judge me. Anyway I'm not looking at these pictures in admiration, I'm critiquing. Everything. Changes in my face..my hair..how tired I look..my 2000 parts that need contracting,. nipping, tucking, cutting and shrinking. It's tiring and I almost always end up in tears.
But then...
There's that one golden moment where I take a pic I like... I think it was 2007. I was adorable. OK I'm kidding, but these moments are few and far between. The problem IS, I haven't considered adjusting this condescending way of thinking.. I've just adjusted the way I look at my pictures. There are things I know I don't like and won't like so I collect tons of information on improvement, follow said instruction for about a week...2 if I don't get distracted and a lack of results discourages me so I move on. I looked at my shelves in the bathroom and it's a veritable stockpile of "You're Fucked Up, But Here's How to Fix You" items: Acne meds, acne cream, acne gel, teeth whitening toothpaste (all 4 tubes are different brands), teeth whitening kit, teeth whitening strips, cream hair remover (that shouldn't count), spray hair remover, hair growth lotion, hair growth oil - store bought and home made, cellulite cream, tons and tons of foot lotions (I likes em soft), and a STACK of girdles. Holy hellllll. Minime calls em sucker-inners because that's what they do. Keep me in line. Less jiggle when I wiggle and I will withstand ANYTHING. It's like an impenetrable a force-field of spandex and cotton. I love them. Dearly.
But I digress... What is at the root of this self manipulation of love and hate for my own reflection?! Have you experienced the same? I wasn't taught to love myself so the idea seems almost comical, but if I want to be loved shouldn't I love me so that the person I want would be inclined to love me as well? Love me better? Love this insanity outta my system? Is that possible? Can someone love you until you learn to love yourself (OMG! I did it... I KNEW I would use that lyric before week 1 of my rebloggification!! Point: Candice.) But seriously is. that. possible.?? I've never shared this blog or these feelings with someone I was in a relationship with so would I risk losing it all by sharing these thoughts...? As deep, dark and intimate as they are would I consciously jeopardize my future with someone who could potentially be a life partner because I can't change my way of thinking?!?!?!?!
No. Because I've never seriously believed that someone could love me flaws and all anyway.
Hmmmmm..... To be revisited....
Self... self efficacy... self definition... self actualization... self esteem... self regulation... self monitoring... self awareness... self disclosure... self love (ooooh)... self hate. It can be an overwhelming topic for some, myself included.
I have image issues. No secret there... I'm not a mirror hating mad woman, but I can understand the plight of someone who is. My issues are entirely the opposite. I'm incredibly self conscious. I would've hoped this would somehow help with my weight, but it hasn't...I've tried dieting extremes, yes, but I've never harmed myself to achieve a certain look - although I have lost lots of hair getting a weave, but the Chronicles of the Unbeweavable is a blog of it's very own. Moving along, I've realized that I have the capability of being very self-absorbed. Not in a way that is offensive to others or by any means makes me abnormally selfish, but I do spend lots of time in the mirror and I've perfected the cell phone self portrait. If I see a camera approaching I react like Dug from that Pixar movie Up:
SQUIRREL!
Anyway categorically I'm looking for a term that relates to my particular psychosis. I constantly stare at myself (as evidenced by the mirrors I surround myself with AND the bazillion pics I have of myself in my phone...and my daughter's phone. Don't judge me. Anyway I'm not looking at these pictures in admiration, I'm critiquing. Everything. Changes in my face..my hair..how tired I look..my 2000 parts that need contracting,. nipping, tucking, cutting and shrinking. It's tiring and I almost always end up in tears.
But then...
There's that one golden moment where I take a pic I like... I think it was 2007. I was adorable. OK I'm kidding, but these moments are few and far between. The problem IS, I haven't considered adjusting this condescending way of thinking.. I've just adjusted the way I look at my pictures. There are things I know I don't like and won't like so I collect tons of information on improvement, follow said instruction for about a week...2 if I don't get distracted and a lack of results discourages me so I move on. I looked at my shelves in the bathroom and it's a veritable stockpile of "You're Fucked Up, But Here's How to Fix You" items: Acne meds, acne cream, acne gel, teeth whitening toothpaste (all 4 tubes are different brands), teeth whitening kit, teeth whitening strips, cream hair remover (that shouldn't count), spray hair remover, hair growth lotion, hair growth oil - store bought and home made, cellulite cream, tons and tons of foot lotions (I likes em soft), and a STACK of girdles. Holy hellllll. Minime calls em sucker-inners because that's what they do. Keep me in line. Less jiggle when I wiggle and I will withstand ANYTHING. It's like an impenetrable a force-field of spandex and cotton. I love them. Dearly.
But I digress... What is at the root of this self manipulation of love and hate for my own reflection?! Have you experienced the same? I wasn't taught to love myself so the idea seems almost comical, but if I want to be loved shouldn't I love me so that the person I want would be inclined to love me as well? Love me better? Love this insanity outta my system? Is that possible? Can someone love you until you learn to love yourself (OMG! I did it... I KNEW I would use that lyric before week 1 of my rebloggification!! Point: Candice.) But seriously is. that. possible.?? I've never shared this blog or these feelings with someone I was in a relationship with so would I risk losing it all by sharing these thoughts...? As deep, dark and intimate as they are would I consciously jeopardize my future with someone who could potentially be a life partner because I can't change my way of thinking?!?!?!?!
No. Because I've never seriously believed that someone could love me flaws and all anyway.
Hmmmmm..... To be revisited....
Inspiration
Moving forward I have new objectives... I've always been very..open and raw with my experiences and the SERIOUS emotion that those experiences would cause lol. Now I'm a little bit older (I just turned 30 in April) and I'm not insinuating I'm some ultra mature lady with new-found wisdom, but I've definitely learned quite a bit and have actually made sense of what these experiences have taught me.. Hopefully that will be clear to you as you venture on this journey with me. Unless you've just come upon this page, I have shared this site with you because you have my respect and I value your opinion so please honor me with your comments.
Tonight my mind is on...love.. Love and it's meaning..love and its purpose..love and its actions. I think over the course of my writing here (2009 - present) I've been in a few relationships (no need to count!) and felt very strongly that I was in a situation that involved love, but looking back I never really was. That would be hindsight. Ughhhh hindsight...it's like that best friend we hate to love, because they're definitely gonna hit you with I told you sooo!)I think it hangs out with Karma...but I digress...
My love problem was that I never allowed myself to see with my eyes and hear with my ears...just feel with my heart. I did myself an injustice, but today I can honestly say I have no regrets. I knew my interpretation of love and I ran with it. Today I realize that love has too many facets to be completely understood or wrapped up into a pretty package. Tonight...love is inspiration..
More later...
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Updates Updates Updates!
(11-4-12: Here's a draft I started Feb 2011...lol)
Hey all...or just YOU. I haven't blogged in so loooong cuz I've been so busyyyyy! So much silly boy drama has been entertaining my life and draining my emotional bank account, but we'll talk about that another time. TODAY I'm full of good news! I've managed to lose 47 lbs and I'm tryina lose 50 more. I need some before and after pics on here huh... Hmmm - I should figure out how to do that...
Hey all...or just YOU. I haven't blogged in so loooong cuz I've been so busyyyyy! So much silly boy drama has been entertaining my life and draining my emotional bank account, but we'll talk about that another time. TODAY I'm full of good news! I've managed to lose 47 lbs and I'm tryina lose 50 more. I need some before and after pics on here huh... Hmmm - I should figure out how to do that...
Reintroduction
I have a new blog post but I figured I owed my teeny audience an explanation of my absence. I didn't mean to leave you... I love you... Gimme one mo chance baby..please baby baby baby please!
To be candid shit just got way too real. Love...cancer...pregnancy...suicide attempts..new job..a few jobs... relationship... relationships... relationship... condo... debt.. It was more than I could take and I just never thought to release the tense moments of my mind on my blog. My bad.
Please join me in a new direction for my blog... Not just image as far as weight, but as it relates to how we view ourselves and others. Our image...and our imaginations..
Saturday, September 4, 2010
I Love......
Random thoughts - I LOVE THAT: Gramma says Mary Blidge w/o the J.. Taylor and I count down the days to the premiere of new Disney channel movies.. My family is super close and everyone's pretty hilarious.. Taylor's father may not be around, but she's so loved by my family & friends that she has mad daddies lol.. I can find a tiny glimmer of hope even in the darkest depths of my sorrow... Taylor's becoming a young lady I'm so proud of, and over the phone she still sounds like she's 5!.. Even when I don't have two nickels to rub together, God always blesses me wit finances or an opportunity to get some paper.. I finally tell my mom exactly wtf I want lol.. My hair! What? I have really nice hair lol.. Taylor is so forgiving - I'm not always a perfect mommy, but she continues to just love me... AAAND I'm losing weight!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
So my mom shows me a shirt: Cane u didn't say anything about my shirt!
Me: Oh that's because I didn't see it (look at shirt) Oh, I just don't like it.
Mom: What? This is a gorgeous shirt!
Me: hmmm.
Mom: What DON'T u like about this shirt?
Me: Besides the "a blind crackhead made me" look? (Then I go on and on)...
Mommy just walks away, goes into Gramma's room then shouts back (as I am still on le toilette) MY MOMMA LIKES MY SHIRT!!!
Me: YO MOMMA THINKS A LIME GREEN STRIPED SHIRT AND HUNTER GREEN PANTS "GO" BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH GREEN!
~silence....
she walks over: What'd-u-say-bout-my-mama?
Me: I saaaaid (then I repeat what I said)!!
Mom: (as she walks off, realizing she's taking fashion advice from some1 that needs a bib to eat out) ..Of all the kids God coulda given me, I get this fkn smartass...
*sigh* Gotta love ur family!!!
Me: Oh that's because I didn't see it (look at shirt) Oh, I just don't like it.
Mom: What? This is a gorgeous shirt!
Me: hmmm.
Mom: What DON'T u like about this shirt?
Me: Besides the "a blind crackhead made me" look? (Then I go on and on)...
Mommy just walks away, goes into Gramma's room then shouts back (as I am still on le toilette) MY MOMMA LIKES MY SHIRT!!!
Me: YO MOMMA THINKS A LIME GREEN STRIPED SHIRT AND HUNTER GREEN PANTS "GO" BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH GREEN!
~silence....
she walks over: What'd-u-say-bout-my-mama?
Me: I saaaaid (then I repeat what I said)!!
Mom: (as she walks off, realizing she's taking fashion advice from some1 that needs a bib to eat out) ..Of all the kids God coulda given me, I get this fkn smartass...
*sigh* Gotta love ur family!!!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Hello dearest friends... It's been about a month o' Sundays since I last updated u on my progress & guess what? I've lost 36 lbs!!! How? STRESS & MILD ANOREXIA! *yess!* Nah fereal - I eat half a bagel, some fruit, and make it last all day, usually no appetite for lunch/dinner, and lots of water. This is really not the way I intended to drop the lbs, but with motherhood, school and a 2nd job I just don't have time. PLUS I'm poor so gotdamn Valencia dropped 3 of my classes - I'm stuck there for another semester instead of graduating in August. Fuck u college...with ur tricks, tactics & innuendo. Fuck u hard. And I'm not even callin u. Yeah bitch and what?!?! ...*crickets*...Sorry. I don't mean it baby, I love u!!! (I'm not a punk ya'll! I'm protecting my GPA & financial future.) Anyway let's see....anything new with me? New people, new possibilities, new program! Finally happy! Haters keep it up - ILY2!
Friday, April 9, 2010
Some of you may have heard about my love/hate relationship with the school crossing guard. She's supposed to wave at drivers as they pass by (oh yeah and help little sprouts cross the street without getting plowed), but sometimes she totally ignores me! I've seen her ass at Walmart at I'm >< this close to askin her what her gotdamn problem is but thus far I've managed to refrain.. So this morning she waves..waves..waves and when I get up to the intersection this heffa stops. waving. WTF?! So u know me (if not, u should - I'm awesome), I rolled down my window, start flailing my arms and smiling I yell GOOD MORNING!!!! It was so obnoxiously delicious I didn't even care that traffic sucked and my hair frizzed up on the way to work! Happy Friday!!!
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